Everything...

Hardly could have I said something…
everything seemed running so obvious
when d fact was it was all different...
I could notice, rather could feel too
but still remained silent,
for what good reason even I don’t know myself...
Maybe this time my choice to let it happen

or my running away from immuration...
It was not at all like before,
I could perceive things being changed
not only for myself
but for others around me as well...
Certainly it felt good, rather it still does
but then I fear, I fear to sustain it...
I know what it matters to have it n to lose it
realization of which just kills me the most,
For which I stand helpless

helpless to defend my conscious...
I still wished to part the prevailing proximities
but inside I crave to hold them the very same way they are...
This brings in light the battle inside me 

is it my choice or servitude to my values...?

The debate still goes on...the deviation still inherent...

I...

I wish on your wishes, I dream on your dreams

with words so clear, nothing left to fear

Feelings so intense, holding deep essence

the closeness u share, the faith u shell out

Just turns me quiescent with no doubt

I admire, I yearn n I long for you

I just dont call for your sole concern on me

Neither I'm selfish nor I'm blind

I know I owe you but in my own sense, indeed I love to share you,

with others who have an equal right on you

for they deserve more of you as they were part of you much before I claimed my right on you

And I will never be able to bridge this gap

for they stay as valuable as they were...

I assure I still will understand you the very same way I used to

I might be late, but trust me won't eva let u wait

I do care for your concern

as it completes me, nurtures me

no matter what you want, what you ask for

your words holds dominion, your say matters

not as obligation, nor as responsibility

but as choice, as my own wish

Just forgive my mistakes as mere novice,

my ears alwayz open for your advice

I'll learn from my mistakes, grows from my errors

in different life's seasons n colors

 I assure to live up to your every single expectation,

sustaining our relation's divination n incantation...

U have taught me smiling

under the worst of conditions

U made me understand meaning of life

when I ceased every hope to live...

When I had no one around to understand me

u were there, infact u were only there...

U assured that nothing can go wrong

and actually nothing did.....

I was bounded by pessimism all around

when u enlightened a clear ground...

I had enormous fears

haunting each one of dem every day

but u just fade them away...

U could feel my sorrow laden eyes

so u uplifted me through ur incessant tries

Simply with ur very dedicated n genuine intensions

ur will n wish to alleviate someone

I am actually where I'm today

Now when I ponder back on old days

I fear of arriving again the same state as before

though with each passing day my trust grew deeper

n I started trusting u more than myself

I'm assured that u will always be there,

coz for once I can doubt myself for lagging behind

considering all my efforts confined

But undoubtedly claims ur unconditional concern

that demands nothing in return....

Miss those days...

Today standing still in search of glory,

recollecting those old memories.

Thinking of those days of togetherness,

I'm filled with thrill and happiness.

Those long hours of gossips,

every moment together was a bliss.

Late night chats, munching pizza's n fats

watching movies, licking candies

bunking lectures, escaping by pity gestures

grabbing last benches, discussing our crushes

uncontrollable pounding over pj's

those stupid games we use to play

that would simply pass the day

thinking of which now just turns me gray...

Life led with zeal, embracing the bond we shared,

those giggling and laughter sessions which we had.

Caring and sharing in abundance,

today wish to have one glance.

but, time has changed for us...

now we share different priorities,

laden with few set of responsibilities

dispersed over different parts

still much closer in hearts
Moving into the flashback,

thinking of those moments, I'm taken aback

Wish,the time could be rewinded,

as those days are always reminded.

I'm speechless,left with no words,

just thoughts and thoughts.

mesmerizing moments countless,

miss them all being helpless...

Something...

There is some extreme sense of belonging,

some intimate n eternal bond...

Dont know why do I feel so or what makes me feel so...

why do I blurt out everything

why are there no resraints, no boundations or why do I ignore them if they are...

Dont know what droves immense satisfaction n complacency

or what makes my soul contented

Some strange dynamism, some strange vigor...

that makes everything genial..

Something that fades away troubles as they grow, that fills the hollowness...

Something that drives u to be still better n better

Something assuring lifelong salvation...

Abiding unconditionally by every precept of vow be it be day or night

neglecting priorities or rather escaping daily grind

just to hold and sustain concern...

This what defines something,
I truly respect, admire n envy this being...:)

She is...

    

She's a daughter, a sister, a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend, a student, a young girl, and a grown woman...a simple girl yet unusual from others...she's pretty but most of the times she's tousled and rustic as she believes her beauty is not for all but for few.

she holds that she should not look beautiful everyday coz then special days are no indifferent from normal days...(crazy thought...yeah!)

she is intact with her prayers, trust her faith n holds rational credences to same.

she has an unostentatious elegance and possesses a congenital and innate idiosyncrasy

she embraces and honor her uniqueness

Her facile tone, her conciliatory gesture exhibiting natural accendancy over others to make u accept the very same way she wants u too, a bit manupilative to make situation worth living, to convince the audience and to sustain harmony and peace.

some strange dynamism, some strange vigor....imbued with revolutionary ardor

Tangled streaks of hair...deep hazel eyes indicating the antiquity of the soul and amulets of wisdom...

she is eleganant to her finger tips, an altogether distinct fragrance..

she respects and values her conventionalism in vogue manner, she feels smug and complacent for being naturally consecrated with ethics, virtues, integrity and righteousness...she is adored, she is appreciated and she is idolized

she's the one who cry her tears all alone in dark silence...who is very sensitive, very delicate n gets hurt easily...any thing beyond her natural stance has capabilities to break her into tears..

she is broken, she's shattered n she's tired...tired of struggles, tired of compromises, tired of attempts...

she fear her fears and dream her dreams

she enjoy refrainment or rather bounds herself as she believes confining impediments wandering, prohibits entry to doors that are difficult to escape from...she may deprive herself of pleasures or aspirations just to hold her conscientiousness...

she holds that compromising or loosing her share to others will fill her part more than she has for herself in store...(very strange though...!)

her interest towards her pleasures strikes me as more of a velleity than a firm desire or aspiration...

Least bothered of her comfort n abstemiousness in regard to gratification of desires...

she'll try her best to come upto evryone's expectations, to fulfill all what her responsibilities are, to actually abide by every norm, every percept of day and night.

she fears of being loved..she fears of being felt concerned for..coz she thinks she dont deserve..

she smiles on outside, whilst she may be dying inside...or probably lying on every side...

she maintains and sustains a balance in between her wishes and actions...she calculates n accordingly react...well, she's a perfect blend of traits...from a kid to a mature woman, a funny n humorous person to a serious n responsible one...a usual yet unusual identity

she's everything and she's nothing all at once...

:)

I was never so weak that I could unveil evrythng that I felt

But time made me its slave...

I always avoided to acknowledge my feelings

coz I feared of being misleaded by them

but now I ask myself for the same

Something made me blurt out what all I wished could remain inside me

Something asked me to disclose everythng...

and to my surprise I followed that voice

someone trusts blindly n confides in that thing more than herself...

Something assuring that sharing will make it better anyday

but I wonder for d fact that changed my irrevocable mindset

have I lost that resistance to be rigid n firm

or have I learnt to share

its nevertheless a strange percept

which I'm still ineffectual to accept...

Wish for her wishes

She wish for her wishes

she counts on her stars

she trust her instincts

she value her values

elegance in her solemnity

charm in her dignity

as innocent n novice as a cub

euphonious voice, concinnity in tone

charming gesture, appealing rectitude

gleaming eyes showcasing wisdom of thoughts

facing hardships, bearing loads

struggling every percept of wow

still content to every extent

coz she entrusts her prayers

holds her faith

foresee brightness in dim

as she confides in Him

Amidst the journey

Amidst the journey, I may have stumbled;

in view of directions, I may have wandered...

When I had many ways, I might have chosen a wrong one

but I tried to retain a focussed will to reach my destination...

I dont claim to walk smooth paths, nor to bear an easy load

I yearn for strength and fortitude to climb the rock strewn road..

This new way nurtured my perspicacity and sagacity;

enlightened my wisdom through core...

It was a voyage, all through my experiences

I cherished, I grieved and I relished...

I faced different winds, n I felt different sun;

I grasped power and I endured courage...

Now, all fears lost...all apprehensions succumbed...

I can scale the hardest peaks alone;

And thus have learnt the skill to transform every stumbling block into stepping stone....

parts of me...

U had parts of me in you…

They are not lost, rather u have constrained their escalation

I know this one is solely for sake of me, for my happiness...

But u fail to realize that sharing is any day better than abstinence

Escaping is easier initially, but annihilates the most in vulnerable plight...

U evinced that their prevailed no such genuine bonding

U evinced that it was all lust that dominated over trust

U evinced that parts of me in you are no longer usual or existent n even if they are, they are worthless…

Also, not to misconceive as my choice to start up or end up all again, I’m concerned genuinely n solely with happiness-a mutual one…

Coming on to me, I still claim to hold parts of you...

Although they may be passive but unlike you, I have not let them oust...they still very well intact with me...

It's not my call or wish to hold or drop anything;

it’s just happiness that concerns me…

I only wish to share those parts of me that u might be entitled to or rather u demand...

Trust me, I don’t deny that its sustenance is demanding anyhow-

may be that was a prominent reason for escaping or avoiding the prevailing circumstances….but it too could have been made easier…It’s just a game of mere interpretation and perception…

Try to rationalize and get all good times back…life’s too short for regrets and ego…live up to its every call…

Strong will with pure intentions and zeal to sustain tends to make the sphere worth living and I admit to it…!

I promise

whenever u in pain

whenever u in vain

just call out my name

I promise, I'll be there

whenever some ups

whenever some downs

just think for the fact I care

I promise, I'll be there

whenever feeling low

whenever things not in flow

just presume my time's alwayz spare

I promise, I'll be there

whenever things not in place

whenever tired in life's race

just believe u need not be in despair

I promise, I'll be there

whenever something bothering

whenever adversities centering

just make me once aware

I promise, I'll be there

whenever u feel like crying

whenever u feel like relying

just remember some1's alwayz here

I promise, I'll be there

whenever loneliness prevailing

whenever long for sharing

just recall my frenship's share

I promise, I'll be there

God n Me...

I asked God to fade away all my ailments..
God said, I need not take them away
You carrying them along, you yourself expel them...

I asked Him, give me strength, courage n pateince...
He said Pateince dont drop from sky, but developes in troubles...you need to grow it urself...

I asked Him, give me happiness
He said I can just bless you, happiness need to be born within you..

I asked Him then give me all such things, with the aid of which I can derive pleasure from..
He said, all things give pleasure momentarily..nothing except my worship can give you solace for lifetime..

I said, fine..then give me strength to love others as much as you love me..
He smiled and said-the more you will spread my love, more than that you will find growing within you...:)

I dream my dreams...

Yearning for wings to fly high

Wish, I could touch the sky

Want to feel the breathe of cool breeze

I dream my dreams

Opening my eyes as gentle as first dew drops of winter

Living as embracing the radiance that clads the sunshine

Feeling the warmth of my values

I dream my dreams

Purity of smile to mark my wisdom

N happiness in heart to reflect my veracity

Dominated by thoughts

I dream my dreams

I’m imbued with a ray of hope

Entrapped in rejuvenation of desires,

Enkindling the lambent revival

His blessings and my day

I dream my dreams

Show me light...

Dont u dare regard me, for what I dont deserve
I claimed to be intact with my values
when the fact is, I'm manipulative
I retain those which satisfy my conscious
while, those which I struggle to bear with,
I just manipulate them accordingly
Not all seasons are same, so is with different colors
dat what makes one value viable and others relatively nugatory
Though expected to be unmarred
bt still I declined to hold each one of dem indivisually
Stipulated to which I just want people around me to stop defending me

to stop giving me false hopes, stop overlooking my mistakes
n just stop giving me chances-the ones I'm not worth of...
If u will not guide me,

abyss of this obscurity will mark my identity
I dont want to be an ideal nor do I want to potray perfectionism
coz I know n I accept I'm deviated but dont wish to hold deviation...

An attempt...

For once you did not even try to mend the circumstances
when there still existed chances
still unknown of the fact, for what reasons I decieved
well, I'm not bothered about what you conceived
my justification weaks my stand,
and anyday I dont wish to loose a hand
I kept on longing for you...when you were everywhere
n I strived for that warmth which was not there
Infact I was very well dere...
but your eyes failed to perceive me...
I thought I could make up this time, but you overlooked all my attempts..
you can see my mistakes, you can hold those grudges against me
but you cant deny my love for you...its true, pure n serene
its not lame to be defended by you..although it requires sustainence by you..
without you, it holds no meaning and with you its everything..

Thats true...

Brought up in an impregnable n intact environ, endowed with all living felicities n cultured to a mature, judicious n prudent personality..this is how we have grown up...

With every uttered call or wish, soon realized true...with all happiness, recognition and attension bestowed...
For, unconditional love they showered n all sacrifices they made...

with selfless aim they cherished each our day...

All mistakes forgiven n all indiscipline overlooked...
as they wished to hold us along...

For they made us wht we are today, we attempt to offset this taking it as encumber-the one deed priceless, invaluable n incomparable...

Failed to comprehend there terms of bonding n least to bother of there expectations from us...that is where we lag, that what leads them to loose there worth for what they deserve...

Alas we still ineffectual to understand what stood as friction between us, when it was our own ill odd mindset...

U were not dis way...

I have known you before, you were not the way you are now...
coz things not turning to your favor and evrything going against by your wish,
that does'nt mean you gonna change...

You have seen the worst of times and experiencd the most torment states,
but I alwayz witnessed you as a gallant gladiator...

You were never afraid of future or bothered about life nor were you flustered over decisions,
but now all of a sudden you allow these fears to bound you...

Just coz your conscientious efforts not yet recognized and sacrifices still not rewarded,
its not that you lag or have lost the battle...
its just a phase to outshine your strong determination,

will and intensions...

You still are charged with enormous potential within you..
and still purity n serenity marks your wisdom
you have lost nothing but learnt to survive...

You can either restrain and desist these apprehensions,
or swayed you lie down on knees to face the consequences...
its at your discretion to make a choice and so is your call to defend yourself...

I fear of being loved...

I fear of being loved...for the fact I have been curbed...

Curbed by my thoughts n enslaved by my instincts...

I dont ask to walk smooth paths, nor do I demand such...

But I fear of being loved..

Maybe strange apprehensions, scuttling me deep into contensions...

or Maybe my choice to confine it..

But I fear of being loved...

Though engendering you complete n bracing you unconditionally...

Yet I fear of being loved...

Hatred is too big an affliction to bear...

Still being loved is smthng I constantly fear...

I doubt of my equivalence for same, coz I know I'm not worth it...

That what makes me fear n being loved is all about it...

Compromises...

Many a times life is bit or more of compromises...like compromise for ur choice or compromise for someone's sake, or sometimes for ur own conscious...

Compromise is something as staking ur self, ur wishes jst coz of some purpose which is not for ur benefit-it is as if u are lending urself for no good dat too in a surroundings which are mean n selfish to dere extremities...

Although the fact dat the ones with compromising nature are marked by generosity, maganimity n superiority holds enormous strength, endurance and pateince, Bt certainly holding these virtues not alwayz leads to win win situations, coz the ones who opts altruism are messed up too...

Defending the notion, the very fact remains dat compromising once can lead u to compromise throughout ur life as this being an attribute which once accepted, can't stop u from being exemplary-coz ur inner self accepts u in ur pure n serene state n dat comes wen u go by ur instincts which demands of ur sincerity, ur selflessness n ofcourse ur compromises...

So it now becomes intergral part of your intellectual sphere..n now dat u have started compromising-u r happy in all situations u face for the reason dat u dont go for comparisons as ur compromising nature has killed ur desires or aspirations-so u easily accept every adversity, every flaw, n every shortcomming just as u hold nothing above imperfections..n indeed dat wht becomes your default choice...

Though d sufferer unknowingly still follows same values to justify his cognizance or to b more specific his conscious for the simple reason of inability to fight for his rights or his aspirations (dat is due to his compromising nature) which inculcates antithesis n suppresses desires, wishes n hopes...

Just for ur one smile...

Just for your one smile, I'm always here...

Just for your one smile I care.
Just for your one smile, I'm willing to fight...
Just for your one smile, I can stake several nights.
U are in my reds, u are in my purples n u r in my blues...
I can percieve u in my different hues.
U make me blunt, u make me freeze n u make me numb,
I cant see anythng, I cant hear anything,

I cant percieve anything without u...
U have completely transformed me glum.
I crave for your one smile coz that what heals my pain...
Ur essence make my thoughts drain.
U are d inception as well as conclusion of my breath..
Indeed widout u, I'll contentedly accept death...!

I wish u could be dere...

I wish you could be dere,
to get what's actually happening here...
Though unknowingly I widened gaps,
u longed fr me more than the time could elapse...
But now when illusions are even more rare,
apprehensions tend to add scare...
Lost in d midway, I still dont know where to go,
time passes and makes me feel low...
Nevertheless I always sighed for a second way out,
my attempts not in light of doubt...
But now our paths are completely deviated,
heart wholly dejected and souls completely parted...
For one axiom I followed, under the coercion of societal norms,
uncaring of passing massive storms...
I just hope that atleast now these norms accept me as legend,
Coz I have nothing except memories to defend...!

Silence...

The best way to appease someone is to be a silent listener...n again best way to perpetuate harmonious sphere is to be silent..
Though it is difficult at times to interpret silence..but certainly it holds more meaning than speech...

Anytime it enunciates more than words...Silence allows u to self introspect, to overcome ur weak points n to ammend on same...However it should not be confounded with abstinence which is refrainment or forbearance...Silence is by choice under no predicamant, vicissitude or domination...

It does helps u overcome arduous span as it makes u strong n lets u allure ur foes calmly...It edifies different morals n yes prime value-Patience...Silence do leads to pateince coz now u start evaluating evry action minutely n adjudicate its impact..In a way it augments your endurance n ability to combat d circumstances...

A quiet rumination, of even tough situation, like of which keeps comming quite often, yields favourable results. Seemingly baffling problems turn into simple ones and their solutions appear within reach.

Lastly as u embrace silence, your words are efficacious n hold dominion since words uttered after a spell of silence are given more importance on the presumption that they must be the result of some serious contemplation...n it owes u approbation, recognition n veneration...it makes u self sufficient allowing to enjoy the bliss of your own thoughts...

Sufferings

They say that pain is inevitable although sufferings are optional...but for some people sufferings too bcome inevitable..sometimes there are so much adversities, so much negativities that life seems to cease and all thoughts comming to a halt..thats where sufferings become irresistible...

It seems as if whole world is against u, tryng to harm u, yearning for ur bad...

U struggle n struggle to try n change the situation or try to get rid of it, n in an attempt for the same u loose ur own self...u deviate from ur preset goals n wander..n thats where battle of perceptions begins...u start feelng insecure n pessimism bounds u...then u opt for the easiest way - thats refrainment..u restrict urself n go for abstinence unknowingly coz u r afraid to face the situation...n hold untenable apprehensions for the same that haunts u even more...


But the biggest challenge that still remains is to overcome it n try to withhold the present pace of time...though its not that easy as it seems...it entails a very strong will power, determination n persistence...n its possible only wen one is willin to surmount its irrevocable mindset...:)
N once u achieve it, ur journey becomes easier n hassle free...


Its den a juncture dat lets u win over ur torment state n enables u to accept ur suffering as ur option rather dan obligation...!!!

N to sum up..."No problem lasts forever. No matter how permanently fixed in d centre of our lives it may seem, watever we experience in dis ever changing life is sure to pass...even PAIN..."

Apprehensions...

Luking at the things around u, sometimes u gravitate upon something coz that thing in some sense correlate u, your life...Dis girl...her eyes so pretty n expressive...so much dey say..but its mere perception, what one senses lukin at them...it feels as if certainly she has enormous pain behind these laden eyes...as if she wishes to elicit her emotions, but is repressing dem...as if she wishes to adduce that no matter what-U wont understand, coz I n only I can feel dat...as if she's undergoin a turmoil of emotions...her eyes starin badly n self introspecting...n her soul weeping for her failure...

Her firmly closed fist potrays that she's yearning for essesnce but has incessant boundations n restrictions...as if she's aggrieved n oppressed...

as if she has boundless fears n all of them haunting her...as if her eyes pleading for independence..to taste the fruits of freedom..as if her desire to enter a whole new world where she'll be rewarded n her actions recognized...her eyes still searchn eternally for dis hope..n is living on it...!

Faith...

It’s strange that u start sharing your every teeny-weeny details with someone whom you have just started knowing...but it happens just coz you trust that person n have faith in him....though its only a word...but means a lot..!!!

It's actually something that makes you feel that you are not alone...and no matter what you are in safe hands...

Faith is the tool you impart another person who has the full vigor n opportunity to ruin you…to play with you...but still you are confident enough that he'll not...

It’s something that cannot be forcibly connoted or accepted...it’s a feeling that comes spontaneously...It’s not an obligation or a compulsion but an instinct or a sentiment, that someone confides in you....shares with you....n makes u feel important, exigent & exceptional...

Though d most onerous decision of life is to trust someone...n I believe that still it’s easier to trust but very difficult to hold it...it asks for your sincerity, honesty n veracity...

N to sum up, its faith only that makes you believe that there exists life in sculptures too…n you regard them as God...n if it exists…it works tooo...:)

Imperfection...

I'm a reticent believer of harmony, so I love silence but words haunts me...

I want to fly but freedom haunts me...

I try to be passive but every so often I'm impulsive...

I try to selflessly devote myself to oders but at times I'm selfish...

I try to listen to everybody around me but now and again I overhear certain things...

I try to keep everyone around me happy but once in a while unintensionally I do hurt dem...

I try to be complacent but at times I'm stubborn n furious...

I try to help others as much as I can but sometimes I fail thinking of my gud in it...

I try to be silent n keep things to myself but seldom I just blurt out as I lack perseverance...

I try to keep things in order but often I spill more than I order...

I try to complete my tasks on time but off and on I lag behind coz of my otioseness...

I try n avoid conflicts but once in a while unknowingly I become a part of it...

I try to be the real way I'm but many a times I fake out, n my actions mere guise n delusive...

I try to be as gud to oders as others are to me...n in an attempt I realize that I need to spend one more lifetime to reach upto there levels...n my worth is still not comparable to dem n lots more need to be conceived...

I try to comply with all expectations of my dear ones from me but often I'm deviated as priorities crops in...

n lastly I veraciously accept that I try to remember n thank God everyday but many a times I do forget Him too....

& dats in all dat - I'm not a perfect girl...:)