Show me light...

Dont u dare regard me, for what I dont deserve
I claimed to be intact with my values
when the fact is, I'm manipulative
I retain those which satisfy my conscious
while, those which I struggle to bear with,
I just manipulate them accordingly
Not all seasons are same, so is with different colors
dat what makes one value viable and others relatively nugatory
Though expected to be unmarred
bt still I declined to hold each one of dem indivisually
Stipulated to which I just want people around me to stop defending me

to stop giving me false hopes, stop overlooking my mistakes
n just stop giving me chances-the ones I'm not worth of...
If u will not guide me,

abyss of this obscurity will mark my identity
I dont want to be an ideal nor do I want to potray perfectionism
coz I know n I accept I'm deviated but dont wish to hold deviation...

An attempt...

For once you did not even try to mend the circumstances
when there still existed chances
still unknown of the fact, for what reasons I decieved
well, I'm not bothered about what you conceived
my justification weaks my stand,
and anyday I dont wish to loose a hand
I kept on longing for you...when you were everywhere
n I strived for that warmth which was not there
Infact I was very well dere...
but your eyes failed to perceive me...
I thought I could make up this time, but you overlooked all my attempts..
you can see my mistakes, you can hold those grudges against me
but you cant deny my love for you...its true, pure n serene
its not lame to be defended by you..although it requires sustainence by you..
without you, it holds no meaning and with you its everything..

Thats true...

Brought up in an impregnable n intact environ, endowed with all living felicities n cultured to a mature, judicious n prudent personality..this is how we have grown up...

With every uttered call or wish, soon realized true...with all happiness, recognition and attension bestowed...
For, unconditional love they showered n all sacrifices they made...

with selfless aim they cherished each our day...

All mistakes forgiven n all indiscipline overlooked...
as they wished to hold us along...

For they made us wht we are today, we attempt to offset this taking it as encumber-the one deed priceless, invaluable n incomparable...

Failed to comprehend there terms of bonding n least to bother of there expectations from us...that is where we lag, that what leads them to loose there worth for what they deserve...

Alas we still ineffectual to understand what stood as friction between us, when it was our own ill odd mindset...

U were not dis way...

I have known you before, you were not the way you are now...
coz things not turning to your favor and evrything going against by your wish,
that does'nt mean you gonna change...

You have seen the worst of times and experiencd the most torment states,
but I alwayz witnessed you as a gallant gladiator...

You were never afraid of future or bothered about life nor were you flustered over decisions,
but now all of a sudden you allow these fears to bound you...

Just coz your conscientious efforts not yet recognized and sacrifices still not rewarded,
its not that you lag or have lost the battle...
its just a phase to outshine your strong determination,

will and intensions...

You still are charged with enormous potential within you..
and still purity n serenity marks your wisdom
you have lost nothing but learnt to survive...

You can either restrain and desist these apprehensions,
or swayed you lie down on knees to face the consequences...
its at your discretion to make a choice and so is your call to defend yourself...

I fear of being loved...

I fear of being loved...for the fact I have been curbed...

Curbed by my thoughts n enslaved by my instincts...

I dont ask to walk smooth paths, nor do I demand such...

But I fear of being loved..

Maybe strange apprehensions, scuttling me deep into contensions...

or Maybe my choice to confine it..

But I fear of being loved...

Though engendering you complete n bracing you unconditionally...

Yet I fear of being loved...

Hatred is too big an affliction to bear...

Still being loved is smthng I constantly fear...

I doubt of my equivalence for same, coz I know I'm not worth it...

That what makes me fear n being loved is all about it...

Compromises...

Many a times life is bit or more of compromises...like compromise for ur choice or compromise for someone's sake, or sometimes for ur own conscious...

Compromise is something as staking ur self, ur wishes jst coz of some purpose which is not for ur benefit-it is as if u are lending urself for no good dat too in a surroundings which are mean n selfish to dere extremities...

Although the fact dat the ones with compromising nature are marked by generosity, maganimity n superiority holds enormous strength, endurance and pateince, Bt certainly holding these virtues not alwayz leads to win win situations, coz the ones who opts altruism are messed up too...

Defending the notion, the very fact remains dat compromising once can lead u to compromise throughout ur life as this being an attribute which once accepted, can't stop u from being exemplary-coz ur inner self accepts u in ur pure n serene state n dat comes wen u go by ur instincts which demands of ur sincerity, ur selflessness n ofcourse ur compromises...

So it now becomes intergral part of your intellectual sphere..n now dat u have started compromising-u r happy in all situations u face for the reason dat u dont go for comparisons as ur compromising nature has killed ur desires or aspirations-so u easily accept every adversity, every flaw, n every shortcomming just as u hold nothing above imperfections..n indeed dat wht becomes your default choice...

Though d sufferer unknowingly still follows same values to justify his cognizance or to b more specific his conscious for the simple reason of inability to fight for his rights or his aspirations (dat is due to his compromising nature) which inculcates antithesis n suppresses desires, wishes n hopes...

Just for ur one smile...

Just for your one smile, I'm always here...

Just for your one smile I care.
Just for your one smile, I'm willing to fight...
Just for your one smile, I can stake several nights.
U are in my reds, u are in my purples n u r in my blues...
I can percieve u in my different hues.
U make me blunt, u make me freeze n u make me numb,
I cant see anythng, I cant hear anything,

I cant percieve anything without u...
U have completely transformed me glum.
I crave for your one smile coz that what heals my pain...
Ur essence make my thoughts drain.
U are d inception as well as conclusion of my breath..
Indeed widout u, I'll contentedly accept death...!

I wish u could be dere...

I wish you could be dere,
to get what's actually happening here...
Though unknowingly I widened gaps,
u longed fr me more than the time could elapse...
But now when illusions are even more rare,
apprehensions tend to add scare...
Lost in d midway, I still dont know where to go,
time passes and makes me feel low...
Nevertheless I always sighed for a second way out,
my attempts not in light of doubt...
But now our paths are completely deviated,
heart wholly dejected and souls completely parted...
For one axiom I followed, under the coercion of societal norms,
uncaring of passing massive storms...
I just hope that atleast now these norms accept me as legend,
Coz I have nothing except memories to defend...!

Silence...

The best way to appease someone is to be a silent listener...n again best way to perpetuate harmonious sphere is to be silent..
Though it is difficult at times to interpret silence..but certainly it holds more meaning than speech...

Anytime it enunciates more than words...Silence allows u to self introspect, to overcome ur weak points n to ammend on same...However it should not be confounded with abstinence which is refrainment or forbearance...Silence is by choice under no predicamant, vicissitude or domination...

It does helps u overcome arduous span as it makes u strong n lets u allure ur foes calmly...It edifies different morals n yes prime value-Patience...Silence do leads to pateince coz now u start evaluating evry action minutely n adjudicate its impact..In a way it augments your endurance n ability to combat d circumstances...

A quiet rumination, of even tough situation, like of which keeps comming quite often, yields favourable results. Seemingly baffling problems turn into simple ones and their solutions appear within reach.

Lastly as u embrace silence, your words are efficacious n hold dominion since words uttered after a spell of silence are given more importance on the presumption that they must be the result of some serious contemplation...n it owes u approbation, recognition n veneration...it makes u self sufficient allowing to enjoy the bliss of your own thoughts...

Sufferings

They say that pain is inevitable although sufferings are optional...but for some people sufferings too bcome inevitable..sometimes there are so much adversities, so much negativities that life seems to cease and all thoughts comming to a halt..thats where sufferings become irresistible...

It seems as if whole world is against u, tryng to harm u, yearning for ur bad...

U struggle n struggle to try n change the situation or try to get rid of it, n in an attempt for the same u loose ur own self...u deviate from ur preset goals n wander..n thats where battle of perceptions begins...u start feelng insecure n pessimism bounds u...then u opt for the easiest way - thats refrainment..u restrict urself n go for abstinence unknowingly coz u r afraid to face the situation...n hold untenable apprehensions for the same that haunts u even more...


But the biggest challenge that still remains is to overcome it n try to withhold the present pace of time...though its not that easy as it seems...it entails a very strong will power, determination n persistence...n its possible only wen one is willin to surmount its irrevocable mindset...:)
N once u achieve it, ur journey becomes easier n hassle free...


Its den a juncture dat lets u win over ur torment state n enables u to accept ur suffering as ur option rather dan obligation...!!!

N to sum up..."No problem lasts forever. No matter how permanently fixed in d centre of our lives it may seem, watever we experience in dis ever changing life is sure to pass...even PAIN..."

Apprehensions...

Luking at the things around u, sometimes u gravitate upon something coz that thing in some sense correlate u, your life...Dis girl...her eyes so pretty n expressive...so much dey say..but its mere perception, what one senses lukin at them...it feels as if certainly she has enormous pain behind these laden eyes...as if she wishes to elicit her emotions, but is repressing dem...as if she wishes to adduce that no matter what-U wont understand, coz I n only I can feel dat...as if she's undergoin a turmoil of emotions...her eyes starin badly n self introspecting...n her soul weeping for her failure...

Her firmly closed fist potrays that she's yearning for essesnce but has incessant boundations n restrictions...as if she's aggrieved n oppressed...

as if she has boundless fears n all of them haunting her...as if her eyes pleading for independence..to taste the fruits of freedom..as if her desire to enter a whole new world where she'll be rewarded n her actions recognized...her eyes still searchn eternally for dis hope..n is living on it...!

Faith...

It’s strange that u start sharing your every teeny-weeny details with someone whom you have just started knowing...but it happens just coz you trust that person n have faith in him....though its only a word...but means a lot..!!!

It's actually something that makes you feel that you are not alone...and no matter what you are in safe hands...

Faith is the tool you impart another person who has the full vigor n opportunity to ruin you…to play with you...but still you are confident enough that he'll not...

It’s something that cannot be forcibly connoted or accepted...it’s a feeling that comes spontaneously...It’s not an obligation or a compulsion but an instinct or a sentiment, that someone confides in you....shares with you....n makes u feel important, exigent & exceptional...

Though d most onerous decision of life is to trust someone...n I believe that still it’s easier to trust but very difficult to hold it...it asks for your sincerity, honesty n veracity...

N to sum up, its faith only that makes you believe that there exists life in sculptures too…n you regard them as God...n if it exists…it works tooo...:)

Imperfection...

I'm a reticent believer of harmony, so I love silence but words haunts me...

I want to fly but freedom haunts me...

I try to be passive but every so often I'm impulsive...

I try to selflessly devote myself to oders but at times I'm selfish...

I try to listen to everybody around me but now and again I overhear certain things...

I try to keep everyone around me happy but once in a while unintensionally I do hurt dem...

I try to be complacent but at times I'm stubborn n furious...

I try to help others as much as I can but sometimes I fail thinking of my gud in it...

I try to be silent n keep things to myself but seldom I just blurt out as I lack perseverance...

I try to keep things in order but often I spill more than I order...

I try to complete my tasks on time but off and on I lag behind coz of my otioseness...

I try n avoid conflicts but once in a while unknowingly I become a part of it...

I try to be the real way I'm but many a times I fake out, n my actions mere guise n delusive...

I try to be as gud to oders as others are to me...n in an attempt I realize that I need to spend one more lifetime to reach upto there levels...n my worth is still not comparable to dem n lots more need to be conceived...

I try to comply with all expectations of my dear ones from me but often I'm deviated as priorities crops in...

n lastly I veraciously accept that I try to remember n thank God everyday but many a times I do forget Him too....

& dats in all dat - I'm not a perfect girl...:)

Colours...

Well..to start wid..."Rainbow" is the richest in colours..infact scientifically too its a spectrum of all available colours...
As it doesnt appear each day..or even if it does, not last for long..same is with different seasons and thus moods...
We cant experience the same season through out...even if we like or dislike it..ups n downs are well a part of life only..but what if one percieves same season all d time, and is unable to diffrentiate among them...
but the worst part here is it happens inadvertently...just what I realize is all its consequences..
Mood swings are an integral part of one's life but what if it starts dominating your intellectual power & makes u a reticent believer...It has turned me into a phlegmatic, sluggish and a snub personality...
I try to elude but in an attempt I scuttle more into it...Then the option left is mere prentendence...i try to be delusive..
I candidly accept dat my actions r more of guise n fake..but I cant help it...thats the only way it comes out as...
Anyhow..anyday..its been an ordeal for me..more of qualms..but then I accept d way it comes thinking It too will get over...
Still I hold an hindsight dat all will end well..& am livng on this hope...:)